A blog to hold all the lovely people who responded to my advertisement.

Sunday, 21 October 2012


Henry sent:


Will you marry me?

yours fondly, Henry



I have devised a very complicated mathematical equation that determines all potential romance.

I’ll outline it for you and suggest bringing out a pen and paper to make notes for each step.

i) First write down your post-tax salary p/a
ii) Now subtract 200, 000.
iii) Tell me what remains


Henry Sent,

Hi Susan,

The current figure I’m working with is minus 200, 000 as I am purposely unemployed. But I do have a very generous centrelink payment due to the government believing that I am partnered to my housemate and fathering her two children.

So do I still have a chance if I can reliably produce money without even working? It means my nights could be free to watch you.



People like you have caused permanent frown lines to appear on my once immaculate forehead.

I’m going to have to decline but thank you for the offer, you lazy bastard.


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